Imagine: Someone compliments or gives something to your young child and your child either just stands there awkwardly, looking down at the ground in embarrassment, or hides behind your legs. Most parents would either say, “What do you say, Suzie?” or “Say ‘thank you’”. Often before the child even has a chance to do so on her own.
But you are not most parents; you are a respectful, supportive parent. So what would a respectful, supportive parent do?
First, give your child enough time to respond on her own, while you try to not pressure her. After a couple of seconds, you can say to the person, “Thank you, that’s very kind”.
This strategy does several things. First, by allowing your child time to respond, they get to be in control of their choice to respond or not. When she chooses not to respond, by responding for her you do two things. You’re supporting her right to not respond, and you’re modeling a socially acceptable response without putting her on the spot or making her feel badly.
3 comments:
I agree. Your story reminds me of when I sponsored a treat station for a trick-or-treat event at our local zoo. As I stood there for 8 hours, about 3,000 kids came by. Almost every one of them was yelled at by their parent: "What do you say?!" Then the child would say "thank you." It wore me out to listen to it.
This is one of those things that sometimes pours out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop it. I'm working on it, and getting better at controlling this well-worn habit.
I find I have a tendency to say "thank you" far more often than necessary - someone will call me and ask me for advice/help/etc and *I* will thank *them* when the conversation is over. Thank you comes out of my mouth as a matter of course.
Hmmm... ?
Thanks for this. What a simple and beautiful example. I'll be working on this too!
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