Whenever you can, match the environment to the kid, don’t make the kid fit into the environment.
There are lots of people who will say, “But they have to fit in some time.” “What about when they have to go to work?” I fully disagree (and I’ll talk about have tos in another article).
A kid who is fully comfortable in being who he really is, who actually knows who he is and knows how he works best, will create that in adulthood. This kid, when grown, won’t be trying to “fit in”, and if he chooses to place himself in a less than ideal environment, he will have the sense of self to handle it much better than if he has been trying to fit everyone else’s mold his entire life.
If you can keep your kid in an environment that speaks to his strengths as he is growing up, that fully helps him celebrate who he is RIGHT NOW, then he will feel fully empowered to do this for himself as an adult.
So take a look at the environments your kid is in. Are those environments suited to him, or are there some situations you are encouraging him to endure “for his own good”?
Starting
The first step in choosing freedom is to start to see that you are making choices, even when you don't think you have a choice to make.Think about all the things everyone just expects – all the areas in your life that you are already choosing a path different from what is expected. You may have chosen to breastfeed your children for longer than others expected. You may have chosen to be attachment parents. If your kids are older than 5, then everyone expects them to be in school, but you may have chosen not to send them to school, and that is definitely an upstream swim in a mainstream society!
Recognize every time you make a choice, whether it is answering the phone or not, getting embarrassed because your kid is having a difficult time in the store and “making a scene” or peacefully helping him get his needs met, enjoying cooking a nourishing meal for your family or helping your kids to eat whenever they’re hungry. The list goes on indefinitely.
As you learn to identify your choices, you can start to evaluate whether a particular choice will bring you and your family closer to freedom and joy or farther from that path.
One caution – stay in the present with your choices – don’t be going back and second-guessing all the choices you made in the past. Our journey only goes forward, it does not double back on itself!
So, in choosing freedom and joy, you just need to keep questioning the expectations and making your informed choices. You already know that gentle, respectful parenting is for you, or you wouldn’t be reading this. My job now, is to help you fine-tune so that your journey becomes even more free and joy-filled!
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